


From Now On

by anglophileadventures



Category: The Maze Runner (Movies), The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Allergic reaction, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anaphylaxis, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben is good in a crisis, Best Friends, Chekhov's EpiPen, Cuddling & Snuggling, Drinking, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Gally is allergic to bees, Hallucinations, Homophobia, I just couldn't in good conscience fall it pure fluff, I tried not to describe anything in too much detail bc that's not the point, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Trauma, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, Romantic Fluff, again I tried not to make it too bad bc that's not the point of this, but still be aware it's there, hand holding, if Gally were any pinier he'd be a coniferous evergreen tree growing in the northern hemisphere, it's mostly fluff, mild impalement, normal student stuff, sorry - Freeform, the angst just slipped in there idk how, there's one scene with mild homophobia, this was supposed to be completely fluffy I swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-25 17:47:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14383824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anglophileadventures/pseuds/anglophileadventures
Summary: Gally reconnects with his childhood best friend, Ben.(Set in the same AU as myFuckboi Newtseries, but should function as a standalone story.)





	From Now On

**Author's Note:**

> This story is somewhat inspired by the [Forgotten Moments](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14040114/chapters/32338896) Ben/Gally first kiss story by [KathSilver](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KathSilver/pseuds/KathSilver), although since hers is canon compliant (or canon divergent? idk so many timelines, who even knows anymore) and mine is a modern AU, it's more inspired by the characters and their relationship than the story itself.
> 
> MASSIVE shoutout to [tasteofdreams](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tasteofdreams/pseuds/tasteofdreams) for helping me "UK-proof" this story as well as a lot of general help with plot ideas and proofreading. I guess that makes her the beta for this story? Idk I'm not that into labels ;) But seriously this story would be a lot different (read: worse) without all her input and suggestions.
> 
> Also a giant shoutout to Chloe, [fansarewaiting](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fansarewaiting/pseuds/fansarewaiting), for answering my million and one questions about what studying architecture is like and for being so helpful and nice. I may still have gotten a few details wrong, but thanks to her it will be a lot less inaccurate than it would've been.
> 
> And of course, I have to thank my FBN squad, Chloe, Amirah and Amy, for being so supportive and lovely and just generally the most wonderful friends anyone could ask for. I only hope you can forgive me for writing something that isn't Newtmas :P
> 
> Warning: there are some (hopefully very mild) descriptions of trauma, including mild impalement, scattered throughout, so if that kind of thing bothers you, proceed with caution. There's also one scene with some (again, hopefully mild) homophobia, but that at least is contained to only the one scene, so if you would like to skip it, when you see the paragraph starting "Gally normally considered himself a fairly calm person..." just keep scrolling until you see "They walked down the stairs in silence..." and you should be good to go.

Gally found out he was severely allergic to bees when he was Stung at the age of fourteen. That’s how he always thought of it, Stung with a capital S, because nothing was ever the same afterward.

He was climbing a tree. He didn’t even see the bee until he’d already felt the prick of the stinger on his arm. The prick quickly became an intensely sharp stinging pain; he tried to shrug it off, but after only a few moments he felt strangely itchy. Not just where he was stung, but all over. And then he noticed how red his arms looked, and how they seemed slightly larger and puffier than he was used to. And everything felt oddly tighter and heavier than it normally did. And his breaths were becoming wheezing gasps, whistling through his narrowing throat. And then he was falling, down, down, down, to land heavily on his back. For a second there was nothing; then there was only pain, and the pain was everything, filling him up, crushing him, smothering him. He struggled to breath through his swollen throat, and the harder he tried, the stronger the pain searing through his chest.

He was rushed to A&E. In the ambulance his heart stopped for nearly 30 seconds. They brought him back, and he eventually made a full recovery. But ever since, there was always an undercurrent of fear, crouched in the back of his mind, threatening to spring. Sometimes it was greater, and sometimes less, but it was always present. He carried it with him everywhere, along with the EpiPen his doctor had prescribed in case he was ever stung again. He had been inches from death, and he knew it could happen again at almost any moment.

Shortly afterward, his family had moved to a new town. He had new friends, a new school. No one there had known him before, so no one knew how different he had become, how being Stung had changed him.

Now, years later, the fear was still present, but it was more muted, easier to shove into a box in the back of his mind and ignore. He didn’t think he’d ever be truly free of it. But he could work around it, and he did, most of the time.

Like now, for instance. Being outdoors always made him at least a little nervous, even if it wasn’t spring or summer. But here he was, giving the outdoor Ultimate Frisbee club a try, and in late summer no less, even if it was technically only a week away from autumn.

Gally wasn’t sure what he had been thinking. Probably something about trying new things, gaining new experiences and making new friends. But what had possessed him to pick an activity with so much running? Gally had never been much of a runner, and now he was probably about to make a fool of himself in front of a bunch of freshers.

There was a group of them coming up the hill now, ambling towards the sports complex where they’d been told to meet for the introductory session of the Ultimate Frisbee club. Gally eyed them nervously, already feeling self-conscious. _This was a terrible idea._

That’s when he saw him. He was much older than when Gally had seen him last, and he wasn’t wearing glasses anymore (had he gotten contacts?), but it was him.

Ben.

And all of a sudden, the memories came flooding back.

_Children running around a playground. It’s made of wood and to his child mind it looks like a castle with its long walled walkways separated by round towers with pointed coverings. He’s short for his age, he hasn’t hit his growth spurt yet, so the walls feel like they’re sixty feet tall, but they can’t have been more than ten._

_He runs through twisting passageways that intersect with others in unexpected places. This thing is like a maze, and he runs through it happily, laughing, listening to the yells and pounding footsteps of the other kids. Occasionally he’ll come across another small, running figure, but he passes them without stopping, keeps going farther and farther into the twisted labyrinth._

_He’s looking for his friend, Ben. The back garden of Ben’s house and Gally’s house share a fence, and they’ve been best friends for as long as he can remember. They always play together; outside riding their bikes or climbing the huge tree in Ben’s back garden, inside with their video games (his favourite is Mario Kart, Ben’s is Super Mario 64). And here, at this playground. They take turns; one of them hides, and the other has to seek them out. He likes seeking, but he likes hiding more. He likes feeling safe and secure, tucked away in the corner somewhere, waiting for his best friend to come find him. And that moment when Ben rounds the corner and sees him, that’s his favourite part of all, because Ben’s whole face lights up, and he looks so happy. Ben is the only one who ever looks that happy to see him._

_As they get older, Ben is the one he goes to with every problem, every secret. When his parents are fighting again, he climbs over the fence and up the tree in Ben’s back garden, tying a small blue scrap of cloth to a specific branch, and then he waits. Within minutes, Ben has joined him in the tree, and they sit, clinging to branches 20 feet up, and Ben listens to him. Or sometimes they just sit, watching the wind whip the leaves around their heads, in silence. Together._

_They’re older now, but still quite young, and he’s not sure when it happened, but somewhere along the line the other kids all turned mean. Cruel. They make fun of his face, of his eyebrows, which they say are funny-shaped. They make fun of the way he talks, the way he walks; anything, really, it doesn’t seem to matter. They make fun of Ben too, because he likes to read and does well in school; they call him ‘nerd’ and ‘nancy-boy’. They’re still best friends, but something is different now. The world feels less innocent, less hopeful. There are so few moments when he feels truly happy, and he thinks Ben is the same. They’ve been trodden down so often they learn to just stay down permanently._

_Then, inexplicably, something changes, and one of the groups of boys, the ones who used to treat him the most cruelly, lets him in. They start inviting him places, letting him spend time with them, and his social life improves dramatically, even though they never quite let him in all the way. He’s always just a bit on the fringe, always a not-quite-outsider. But still, things are so much better. He’s happier; he has a group, people to eat lunch with, to hang out with._

_All he has to do is join in when they ostracise Ben._

_Ben, his best friend, for whom they seem to harbour a particularly fierce loathing. He never understands why. There’s nothing about Ben that should inspire such hatred, but these boys are relentless. In the beginning at least, he doesn’t have to join in directly, they’re content with him standing by silently witnessing their ridicule. But eventually that’s not enough, and they expect him to join in. And he hates himself for it, hates that he could ever turn on the boy who was his best friend for so many years. Most of all he hates how easy it is._

_Ben grows more and more quiet in school, and in the afternoon he leaves as soon as the bell rings, walking quickly to get home before the other boys can catch up. Sometimes he makes it. Sometimes he’s not so lucky._

_This is one of those times. It’s about a week before Gally is Stung. The group of boys has caught up to and surrounded Ben. They close in, and Ben’s eyes dart from person to person, terrified. He fidgets with his glasses, pushing them farther up his nose. Gally notices that Ben’s eyes seem to avoid him._

_The other boys start pushing Ben, over and over, around the circle, and Gally prays he won’t come his way, but of course he does, and Gally doesn’t want the other boys to think he’s weak so he accidentally overdoes it and sends Ben sprawling onto the pavement. Ben falls, hands splayed, landing heavily on one elbow, scraping a knee, and his glasses fall off and go skidding across the asphalt. He’s crying, and Gally feels sick because he knows this will make the other boys even meaner, and it’s his fault._

Gally blinked, and he realised Ben was looking back at him. How long had he been staring, while thinking back on the past? He hoped it hadn’t been an awkwardly long amount of time.

Ben was still looking at him, and he braced himself for a scowl, or a glare, or even being pointedly ignored. Instead he nearly fell over in surprise when Ben smiled at him, then raised his hand in a small wave.

Before he could stop himself, Gally looked behind him to see who Ben was really waving to. There was no one there. He looked back at Ben, who was now exhaling a slight laugh, raising his eyebrows and nodding at Gally as if to say _yes, you_. Gally waved back almost reflexively, still feeling bewildered.

And then Ben was walking towards him. Gally felt frozen. His brain couldn’t seem to catch up with what was happening.

“Hey Gally!” Ben said when he reached him. “It’s so great to see you, it’s been way too long!” Ben pulled Gally into a quick hug of greeting, patting him once on the back. Gally, still acting on reflex, returned the hug. “So you go here too, huh?” Ben asked when they pulled apart.

“Yep,” Gally answered. He tried and failed to come up with something else to say; his brain was still stuck on _why is he even talking to me?_

Luckily Gally was spared the agony of trying to make further conversation, because at that moment the members of the Ultimate Frisbee club arrived and started explaining the rules of the game and organising them into groups.

It didn’t end up being as bad as Gally feared; they spent most of the time learning to throw a frisbee, and most of the running was at the end when they played a short game. All in all it was a fun experience, but Gally didn’t think he would be joining the club permanently. Ben was in a different group, so Gally didn’t see much of him until afterward.

Just as before, to Gally’s continued amazement, Ben approached him when the session was over, and even walked with him back to the Student Union.

“What other activities are you going to try?” Ben asked him as they walked.

“I’m not sure,” Gally answered. “I was thinking about trying one of the martial arts, or maybe something nerdy like board games?”

“You know I’m always here for that nerdy shit,” Ben laughed. “But you should come to the Ceilidh on Friday! I’m going, it’ll be so much fun!”

“Yeah, I might,” Gally said cautiously.

“You definitely should.” Ben grinned at him, and Gally couldn’t help grinning back. They continued chatting about the different activities they wanted to try until they parted ways at the Student Union.

Gally didn’t know why Ben was being so nice to him, and he didn’t know much about Ceilidh dancing, but he knew one thing: he was definitely going to the Ceilidh, and it had nothing to do with a sudden interest in traditional Scottish dancing.

  


* * *

  


The Ceilidh was held in a large hall on the second floor of the Student Union. Gally arrived about twenty minutes early due to anxiety about being late, so he had to mill around by himself for a while. He couldn’t see anyone that he knew there, and he was starting to feel nervous. What if Ben had changed his mind about coming? Gally felt horribly exposed, but isolated at the same time.

The second he spotted Ben, relief flooded through him. Ben caught his eye a few seconds later, and there was that look Gally remembered: the sincere, earnest smile; the spark that entered his eyes; the way his whole face instantly lit up.

_Wow. Déjà vu._

Ben once again headed straight for Gally, and once again Gally could hardly believe it.

“You came,” Ben said, beaming.

“Well, you made it sound like so much fun, I had to check it out,” Gally said, smiling back.

“I was in Edinburgh for Hogmanay one year, and I did it a few times then, it’s fantastic,” Ben told him.

About that time, the musicians appeared and started setting up, and everyone was recruited to push back the tables and chairs to make a large enough space for dancing. There was a huge group of students there, because it was those first few weeks when everyone was trying a million new activities, trying to find the ones where they really feel at home. In the madness they didn’t make everyone pair up boy-girl, and Gally managed to snag Ben as his partner.

As soon as the music struck up, Gally knew he was going to love this. The music was fiddle-heavy and extremely upbeat; it reminded him of the scene in _The Fellowship of the Ring_ when the hobbits are all drunk and dancing at Bilbo’s birthday party. He had taken a few lessons of traditional country dancing in his youth (thanks, mum), and Ceilidh dancing reminded him a lot of that, but even more fun. He skipped and clapped and ‘stripped the willow’ with Ben, and he couldn’t remember the last time he had laughed this often. By the end, his cheeks hurt from smiling so much.

“Do you want to go for a drink?” Ben asked when it was over.

“Sure,” Gally answered, aware that he would have said yes to nearly anything if it meant spending more time with Ben.

They headed to a nearby pub, and when they had settled in with a pint each, they continued talking about the Ceilidh, about the other activities they wanted to try out, about everything that had happened since they lost touch years ago. The longer they talked, the more Gally felt he needed to acknowledge their last interaction from six years ago, and apologise for what he’d done. He was enjoying Ben’s company, and for some reason Ben seemed to be completely ignoring what had happened and appeared to be willing to rekindle their old friendship, but he knew he would never be able to pick up his friendship with Ben where it had left off unless he apologised. And he very much wanted to be friends with Ben again. Gally steeled himself, knowing it would be horribly awkward. But he needed to do it, and the longer he waited, the more awkward it would be.

“Hey, Ben, I need to tell you something,” he said.

“Yeah?”

Gally swallowed. Now that it came to it, he was having difficulty getting out the speech he had rehearsed in his head. “I really wanted to tell you that I’m sorry, for all that stuff that happened back when we were in school. I was a huge dick, and I have absolutely no excuse. Honestly I can’t believe you’re even being so nice to me right now, with how awful I was to you.”

To his complete surprise, Ben laughed. “What, you mean that shit with Nick and that group? That was just kid stuff, everyone does stupid shit like that when they’re a kid, and anyway it was like a million years ago. You’re good, mate.”

“But…” Gally stuttered, unable to believe he was hearing Ben correctly. “They made your life hell. And I was part of their group.”

“Were you really, though?” Ben asked meaningfully. “Because I remember them being pretty shitty to you too. Even when they were tolerating you, I don’t remember you ever fully joining in when they were tormenting me. At the worst you were just there while they were being shitty. And we were best friends for such a long time before all that.”

“But that just makes it worse!” Gally protested weakly. “We were best friends, and then I abandoned you to go with a group of people who were awful to you! And I never stopped them. I should have at least tried to stop them.”

“You didn’t abandon me,” Ben said, laughing again. Gally was so astounded he couldn’t gather his thoughts. “And what were you going to do, take them all on single-handedly? You were way too short back then.” Ben smiled at him, as if the whole thing were a joke. As if he somehow didn’t realise that Gally was a horrible person.

 _I pushed you to the ground,_ Gally thought numbly. _I hurt you._ He opened his mouth to say those very words, but Ben cut him off, placing both his hands on Gally’s shoulders, looking him directly in the eyes and speaking gently but firmly.

“Enough, ok? It was forever ago, we were just kids, none of it matters anymore. You didn’t even do anything. As far as I’m concerned, we’ve always been friends, yeah?”

Gally was still uncertain, but he nodded slowly.

“And that’s the last I want to hear of any of that shit from now on, alright?” Ben said happily. There was almost a twinkle in his eye as he smiled at Gally. He finally dropped his hands from Gally’s shoulders, and Gally felt an insane urge to catch Ben’s arms as they swung down, to pull him close, but he fought the impulse.

“I can’t believe we both ended up here, that’s so cool!” Ben continued, as though the previous conversation had never happened. “I’m so glad we’re getting to catch up, I always wondered what you’d gotten up to.”

“Yeah, I wondered about you too,” Gally answered truthfully.

“So what are you studying?”

“Architecture.”

“No way!” Ben exclaimed, leaning back and raising his eyebrows. “Me too!”

“Really?” Gally laughed. “That’s awesome, we can be building buddies! Wait, why didn’t I see you last year?”

“I took a gap year, I went travelling in South America.”

“That sounds incredible,” Gally said enviously. He wondered if he would ever be brave enough to go somewhere with so many stinging insects.

“Yeah, we took a boat down the Amazon, it was probably the most beautiful thing I’ve ever experienced. I don’t miss the mosquitoes, though. Or the heat,” Ben laughed.

“Who did you go with?”

“It was me and my girlfriend Beth, and a couple of other friends of ours from school.”

As soon as Gally heard the word ‘girlfriend’, he felt like a huge chunk of ice slid down his throat and settled in the pit of his stomach. He tried to keep his face pleasantly passive, but his smile had started to feel a bit plastic.

“Does Beth go here too? I’d love to meet her.”

“No, she went to Manchester. We’re doing the long distance thing.” Ben’s face scrunched wryly for a few seconds, but soon it returned to his usual smiling expression. Gally thought Ben had the nicest smile he’d ever seen. The nicest face in general, actually. Then he tried to push the thought away, because Ben had a girlfriend, and those kinds of thoughts were neither appropriate nor helpful.

They stayed for another round, and then another and another, talking and catching up for hours. By the third round, they were comfortable enough with each other again to tease each other, and Ben started making jokes about how out-of-breath Gally had been while dancing.

“You might want to think about exercising more often,” Ben told him, laughing. “You were wheezing after just the first set!”

“Hey!” Gally protested, smacking him on the arm, but he was suppressing a laugh as well. “I’ve only got one good lung.”

“Wait, really?” Ben asked, looking concerned. “Was that from… I thought that was completely healed?”

“Yeah, it’s completely healed,” Gally assured him, a grim smile on his face. “I just like to use it as an excuse for my unfitness.” Ben’s relaxed smile returned, but Gally felt himself zoning out, his mind flying down a long, dark tunnel, back to the worst day of his life.

_He hates remembering this part. Normally he completely blocks it out, but sometimes it’s not possible, and the memories rise to the surface, threatening to drown him, and all he can do is try to ride the waves, keeping his head above water until it’s over._

_Falling from the tree would’ve been bad enough, but he doesn’t land on the ground. He lands on the fence, the one that separates his back garden from Ben’s. The fence collapses under him, but the force of the fall drives one of the sharp-ended posts through his back, into his left lung. He’s relatively lucky; if it had been a few inches to the side, it would have hit his heart. As it is, it’s bad enough. They have to cut the fence post that’s embedded into him before loading him in the ambulance, and it’s supposed to be removed in hospital, but he’s told afterward that when his heart stops in the ambulance they have to remove the piece of fence anyway to do CPR. Then his lung collapses, and they have to deal with that and the bleeding in addition to the allergic reaction._

_Later, when he wakes up, they tell him he’s lucky to be alive, that he’s a living miracle. But he doesn’t feel like a miracle. He feels like shit._

With a great effort, Gally dragged himself back to the present, back to Ben, who was now talking about his weekly running schedule. Gally tried to focus on what Ben was saying, but he mostly admired the expressions on his face. Ben got so excited about running, it was adorable. Gally watched they way Ben’s mouth formed words, taking in every minute movement, then realised he was staring at Ben’s lips and tried to stop.

They kept talking for another hour or so, but eventually Ben looked at his phone.

“Fuck,” he said, blinking his eyes and trying to force them to focus. “I was supposed to call Beth an hour ago. She’s left me…” he paused to count, squinting. “ _Four_ messages? Fucking hell. I’d better get going,” he said, looking back up at Gally.

“Yeah, I should probably get going too,” Gally replied, standing up.

“This has been great though,” Ben said enthusiastically, standing up as well and pulling Gally into another quick hug. “I’m so glad we both ended up here! We definitely need to get together again.”

“Of course!” Gally smiled. “This was so much fun. But I don’t think we’ll have to worry about getting together, we practically lived in the studio last year.”

“Yeah I figured, that’s why I wanted to try all the activities now before the semester officially starts and my social life goes up in smoke.”

“I had the same plan,” Gally said. “Who even needs a life outside course work? Not me.”

“Work-life balance? Nah, that’s not important.” Ben grinned, and Gally thought he was swaying just a little as he stood there.

“Are you sure you’re okay to walk home?” Gally asked, laughing.

“I’m fine, I promise,” Ben said, rolling his eyes. “I’m barely even tipsy.”

“If you say so.”

“I do say so. Hey, c’mere.” Ben moved in to hug Gally, and Gally decided not to point out that this was the second hug Ben had given him in less than a minute; instead he leaned into Ben and let his arms enclose the other boy’s shoulders. This embrace was longer, and more solid, than the first, and Gally could feel Ben pressing his cheek into the side of his neck.

They parted ways outside the pub, and Gally tried very hard not to think about Ben going home to call his girlfriend. Instead, he went for a walk. There was a nearby park that he liked; there, his mind wandered along with his feet, and as the minutes stretched into hours, he tried less and less to stop his thoughts drifting to Ben, to the old memories that had lain untouched in his mind for years, but now were resurfacing, startlingly fresh.

  


* * *

  


He didn’t do this very often, but sometimes… he just really needed a good, hard, empty fuck. It didn’t mean anything, not for him. Newt wasn’t one of his best friends, but he was someone Gally knew and didn’t absolutely hate, although from what Gally had heard, when it came to sex he was more of a headfuck than the type Gally went with most of the time. But he was supposed to be amazing in bed, and he only did one-offs, which was exactly what Gally needed right now. He just needed to get it out of his system with someone he didn’t give a fuck about, so he could stop thinking so much about… a certain someone.

Newt was willing, and he lived up to his reputation, in every respect. It would have been perfect, if it hadn’t been for that fucking weirdo creep Thomas. And unfortunately, Newt being the headfuck that he was, was strangely… into it. Into the two of them being watched by Thomas. It annoyed Gally to no end, but he couldn’t exactly stop him. Everyone knew that if you wanted to sleep with Newt, he called all the shots. And Gally needed to get his rocks off with _someone_.

Luckily, Newt didn’t take long to flirt with the perv, and he took Gally home and gave him exactly what he needed. Gally tried not to imagine that it was Ben on top of him instead. And then it was over, and Gally wasn’t exactly proud of himself, but it had worked. He was still thinking about Ben too much, but at least he could keep it contained.

  


* * *

  


The weeks passed, and soon they were knee-deep in drawings and schematics and models. Gally loved studying architecture, but he had to admit to himself that there was another reason he spent nearly every waking moment in the studio: it was the place he was most likely to see Ben. Each year had their own separate space with the desks at which they could do their drawings and other assignments, but the first year students’ space was only across the hall from the second year students’, and it was all too easy to come up with excuse after excuse to go sit with Ben, talk to him, joke with him. If neither of them were doing anything that required the parallel bars on their desks, they would sit together at a table in the common area, building models or looking over notes on the history of architecture. They fell back into their old friendship so easily that in some ways it was like they’d never been apart. After only a month, Gally could hardly remember a time when Ben wasn’t his best friend. That was also around the time something happened that made it impossible for Gally, try as he might, not to get his hopes up.

He was taking a break from a particularly tricky sketch, and as usual he instinctively sought out Ben, who was downstairs in the student lounge, sitting on one of the sofas. Gally noticed right away that Ben wasn’t his usual cheerful, sunny self; it was something about the slump of his shoulders, the blank, zoned-out look on his face, the tired but resigned sadness in his eyes. And immediately, Gally knew he would do whatever he could to cheer Ben up.

“Ben,” Gally called, approaching him cautiously.

Ben’s eyes snapped into focus, and he looked up and smiled. “Hey.” Gally thought his smile only had about half the luminosity it normally did. It didn’t quite rid his eyes of melancholy.

“Are you okay? What’s up?” Gally asked, concerned.

“It’s been kind of a stressful day.”

“What happened?”

“Beth and I broke up,” Ben said, looking at the ground.

“Oh, Ben. I’m so sorry,” Gally answered, sinking onto the sofa beside Ben. No matter what his personal feelings were, he hated anything that made Ben unhappy.

“It was kind of a long time coming, to be honest,” Ben said, looking over at Gally again. “We were having problems even before, but the distance definitely didn’t help.”

“This is probably a stupid question, but how are you feeling?”

“I’m… not too bad, actually? Does that make me a bad person?” Ben mouth quirked down sadly. “I don’t know, maybe I’m still in shock. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m sad it’s over, she was an important part of my life for almost two years, but mostly I just feel… relieved. I know that sounds awful.”

“That doesn’t sound awful, and you’re not a bad person,” Gally told him firmly. “You can’t help it if that’s how you feel.”

“If I’m being perfectly honest, I… I don’t think I ever loved her. At least, not the way she wanted me to.” Ben’s eyes were swimming with tears that threatened to spill over, and his voice was a whisper. “How could I be with someone that long and not love them?”

“You’re not a bad person,” Gally repeated sofly. “I won’t pretend to know much about love. I’ve never been in love, myself.” He paused, swallowing. “But I know you. And I know you’re not a bad person. You’re one of the best, kindest, sweetest people I’ve ever met. Not to mention you’re pretty damn intelligent.” Gally smiled softly, squeezing Ben’s shoulder, and Ben hesitantly smiled back. “If you didn’t love her, then that just means it wasn’t meant to be.”

Ben’s smile was a little stronger now. Gally’s hand was still resting on his shoulder, and Ben reached up to grip Gally’s elbow.

 _Fuck it,_ Gally thought, and he pulled Ben in for a hug. Ben’s arms immediately wrapped tightly around his middle, and he rested his head on Gally’s shoulder. Gally felt like his heart might explode.

Eventually they pulled apart again. “I have an idea for something to cheer you up,” Gally told Ben.

“Yeah?” Ben was already grinning in anticipation.

“The Ceilidh club is having another do tonight, we should go! I’ve been meaning to ask if you wanted to go to another one anyway, it was so much fun last time.”

Ben’s eyes crinkled at the edges. “That sounds perfect,” he said. “I have a project I need to get some work done on, though.”

“No problem,” Gally answered. “We have a few hours before it starts, so we’ll both focus and get as much done as possible before then. I have a drawing I need to finish anyway,” he admitted ruefully.

“Alright, it’s a plan then.”

It wasn’t quite a date, but he would take it. Gally went to stand, but Ben placed a hand on his arm and he paused. “Thanks,” Ben said softly, and then before he knew it, Gally was enveloped in yet another embrace from Ben. Not that he was complaining. Gally rubbed Ben’s back comfortingly with one hand.

This time, when they pulled apart, Gally stood up and started to back out of the lounge area, still facing Ben, and pulled a silly face, sticking his tongue out. Ben exhaled a small laugh, flashing a smile and falling sideways down onto the sofa. At that Gally had to turn away, to hide what he was sure was his goofiest smile, as well as the fact that he was blushing furiously.

  


* * *

  


Gally was no stranger to nightmares. He had them even before he was Stung, but now they mostly took on a similar theme. Either he was falling, or being stabbed in the chest, or he was having an allergic reaction and couldn’t catch his breath, no matter how hard he tried. Or some unholy combination of the three. Then there was the recurring nightmare in which he was chased through hugely tall, ivy-covered stone walls by some horrifying creature. The one that visited him tonight, though, had a new, chilling twist.

_He’s running, running between stone walls, running across a stone floor. In the strange way of dreams, he knows it’s the playground he used to play in with Ben when they were children, even though it looks completely different. Somehow it just feels like the playground._

_There’s a monster chasing him, and he doesn’t stop to get a good look at it, but out of the corner of his eye he sees spikes shooting out and retracting, and several long, deadly-looking appendages waving around._

_He keeps running down the maze of corridors and random structures, and it’s so confusing and intricate he can’t remember the turns he’s taken. He’s terrified of reaching a dead end. The more he thinks about running, the slower his legs move, until he’s crawling on the ground, trying to drag himself along with his arms. Every time he thinks he’s put some distance between himself and the monster, his surroundings seem to shift, and suddenly it’s there just behind him, or down an adjacent corridor, or directly ahead of him, and he has to scramble to get away again._

_Eventually the monster catches him, and when it does, it changes. It still has a gray, lumpy body, but it’s shaped more like a winged insect now. And it has a bee’s stinger, protruding from the end of its abdomen, pulsing in and out, in and out._

_Now it’s directly above him, and it stabs the stinger down into his stomach. He tries to scream but he’s paralyzed and the scream won’t leave his throat, staying trapped in his chest, clawing to get out. The stinger breaks off and stays lodged in his stomach, and the monster disappears. Curiously, he doesn’t feel any pain, not from the stinger anyway, but a second later he feels itchy all over and his body swells and swells to at least three times his usual size and his chest is tight and painful and he can’t breathe, he can’t breathe, he can’t breathe, he can’t bre -_

Gally’s eyes shot open and he sat up in his bed, gasping. It took several minutes for his heart rate to return to normal. He focused on slowing his breathing; inhale for six seconds, hold it for four, exhale for eight.

It was just a nightmare. It wasn’t real.

Even though the nightmares usually had to do with the accident, they seemed to get worse the more stressed he was, which meant they usually increased in frequency and severity the further into the semester he got. As it was still relatively early, he knew it would only get worse.

  


* * *

  


This time, it was Ben who sought him out in the studio, and Gally couldn’t help the hope and exhilaration swelling inside him as he watched Ben walking towards where he sat at his desk. He only hoped his smile wasn’t so wide as to give him away.

“How’s it going?” Gally asked as Ben approached and pulled up a stool next to where Gally sat.

“Not great,” Ben sighed. “I have to finish a model that’s due tomorrow but I keep procrastinating.”

“Wow, it’s like you stole the thoughts right out of my head,” Gally laughed. “I'm so bad at procrastinating sometimes. If it would help, I can come sit with you in the common area and try to help you keep focused?”

Ben perked up. “That probably would be helpful, actually. If I have someone watching me, it pressures me into actually working.” Ben exhaled a laugh. “That makes me sound so irresponsible.”

“No, I think it’s a thing for a lot of people,” Gally told him. “Besides, I have a model I could be working on too. It’s not due tomorrow, though.”

“I am the champion procrastinator.”

“Models aren’t too bad though. They can even be fun sometimes.”

“Yeah, they’re not too bad. But the worst part about models is I make it take too long by trying to get everything absolutely perfect.”

“Oh yeah, I know that feeling,” Gally said. “But there are… _methods_ for dealing with that.”

Ben smiled, intrigued. “Like what?”

Gally glanced around to make sure no one else was paying attention to them. He lowered his voice and said to Ben, “I have a secret weapon.”

Ben, taking his cue from Gally, also lowered his voice. “What kind of secret weapon?”

Gally leaned down and slid open the bottom drawer of his desk, and pulled out a small flask.

When Ben saw it, his eyes brightened. “You’ve been holding out on me,” he whispered enviously. “What’s in there?”

“It’s my own secret recipe,” Gally said conspiratorially. “I like to experiment with distilling different liqueurs. Sometimes I follow a recipe, and sometimes I make it up as I go.” Gally passed the flask into Ben’s eagerly outstretched hand, and Ben took a swig.

“Eugh!” Ben scowled, screwing up his eyes and sticking his tongue out. “That’s disgusting. You _drink_ that?”

“Yeah well, that one’s still kind of a work in progress,” Gally shrugged ruefully. “I haven’t perfected the recipe yet. My other ones are better.”

“I guess alcohol is alcohol,” Ben said, grimacing before taking another, longer swig from the flask, suppressing a shudder as the potent drink hit the back of his throat.

“Hey, next time we take a day off from homework, you should come over to my house and we can try out a new recipe.”

“A day off? What’s that?” Ben laughed. “That sounds really fun though, I’d love to! As long as whatever we make tastes better than this shite,” he said, raising the flask and taking another sip.

“We can use an established recipe next time,” Gally said, smiling.

“I can’t believe I’m about to try and build a model, using _sharp instruments_ , under the influence. You’re corrupting me.” Ben grinned at Gally, passing the flask to him, and Gally knocked it back as well.

“It’s not really _under the influence_ ,” Gally argued, smiling. “It’s just a little buzz, just to take the edge off so you don’t stress so much about everything being perfect. You won’t actually be impaired.” Gally took another swig and flashed a quick smile. “I’m telling you, it works wonders.”

“I think I can already feel it working,” Ben said, looking down at his hands, opening and closing them experimentally. Gally chuckled. “So, what other kinds of alcoholic drinks do you make?” Ben continued.

“Recently I’ve been trying out nut-based liqueurs, like distilling walnuts, hazelnuts, that kind of thing. What?” Gally asked, bemused, as Ben started to giggle.

“You said nuts,” Ben said through his laughter.

“Oh my god, what are you, thirteen years old?” Gally asked him, but he was laughing along. Ben was giggling so hard his face was turning pink, and he tipped to the side, nearly falling off his stool. “Careful,” Gally cautioned, throwing an arm out to steady him. “You’re such a fucking lightweight. What’ve you had, about three shots?” Gally’s grin ate up his whole face.

“Nuts,” Ben repeated, dissolving into giggles once again. He leaned onto Gally’s shoulder, body shaking helplessly with laughter. Gally could see his pale eyelashes, bearing a few tiny droplets of mirth.

“Calm down, it’s not even that funny.” _Please never stop laughing._ Gally resisted the impulse to lean his head down and kiss Ben’s eyelids. He felt as though something were exploding inside his chest, shooting sparks down into his limbs, his skin erupting in tingles.

He wanted so badly to say something. But he couldn’t, not now. He didn’t even know how Ben felt; and besides, Ben had just broken up with his girlfriend. He told himself to be patient. There would be plenty of time.

  


* * *

  


“I still don’t understand why we can’t just buy Amaretto,” Ben was saying. “This is a lot of effort to go to just to make something we could just buy at the shop.” They were taking the bus halfway across town to the large Sainsbury’s that sold more specialised baking ingredients; all the shops within walking distance were inadequate for this particular mission.

“Because,” Gally insisted, smiling, “it’ll be so much better if we make it ourselves. Trust me, I’ve been doing this for years. Besides, you said you thought it would be fun.”

Ben didn’t look entirely convinced, but his lips curved up into a small smile. “If you say so,” he said, turning towards the window.

When they finally arrived, Gally pulled the recipe out of his pocket. “We need yellow, red and blue food colouring,” he said, going down the list of ingredients, mentally checking off items that he knew he already had. “And we need dried apricots. Oh, and I’m out of almond extract, we need more of that.”

“On it,” Ben said, striding off down one of the aisles. Gally headed to another aisle, looking for the food colouring. He found it, and was going in search of the dried apricots when he heard Ben’s voice calling out.

“Is almond oil the same thing as almond extract?”

“NO.” Gally’s answering shout flew out of his mouth before he could stop himself, and he could feel his face already starting to redden. _Damn it, why did a mention of almond oil always remind him of that?_

Ben’s head popped out from the end of the aisle. “Well, what’s the difference?”

Gally walked towards him, hoping Ben wouldn’t notice the heat he knew was spreading across his cheeks. “I don’t know for sure, I just know they’re not interchangeable.”

“Oh. Well, that’s unfortunate.” Ben turned around and went to replace the bottle of almond oil he was holding back on the shelf.

Gally attempted to arrange his features back into something like a natural expression. “Look, here’s the almond extract, right next to the vanilla extract,” he said. “God, you’re useless.”

“I’m sorry!” Ben laughed. “I didn’t know where to look.”

Gally offered a small smile. “It’s fine, I think that’s everything we need.”

Back in Gally’s kitchen, they assembled the ingredients, the ones they had just bought and the ones Gally already had.

“Okay, it’s pretty simple really, we just have to boil the sugar and water to make syrup, and then chuck everything in the aging container and let it sit for a few days.”

“You mean we don’t even get to drink it today?” Ben said indignantly. “If we’d bought Amaretto like normal people we’d already be buzzed by now.”

“True art takes time and patience,” Gally replied. He tried to keep his tone serious, but his grin betrayed him. “Here, you can be in charge of boiling the sugar water, since you were absolutely no help in the shop.” Gally handed him the bag of sugar and the measuring cup. Ben took them and turned to the saucepan, first weighing out the sugar on the scale, dumping it in, then measuring the water and pouring it in the pan as well.

It was only a few minutes later when Ben started to grumble about how long the water was taking to boil.

“It’s been ages,” he complained to Gally.

“It’s been about five minutes,” Gally told him, laughing.

“How long is it supposed to take anyway?”

“I don’t know, it takes as long as it takes. You’re too impatient.”

“I am not!”

Gally knew he was grinning like an idiot, but he couldn’t have stopped it if he’d tried. Ben was being so playful and cute, it took everything in his power not to grab him right there in the kitchen and…

But no. Not now; not yet. Ben still needed time to recover from his breakup. And besides, he wasn’t even sure if Ben liked him back yet. There had been hints, but nothing concrete, nothing he could look at and say for certain, without a doubt, that Ben felt the same way.

“Maybe if I don’t look at it, it’ll boil faster,” Ben suggested, turning away from the saucepan.

“Yep, that’s some stellar logic right there.”

“Everyone knows a watched pot never boils.”

“You have to keep stirring it though, genius.”

“Ugh, fine.” Ben turned back to the saucepan and prodded the liquid inside with the wooden spoon he was holding. Gally smiled at the back of his head so widely his cheeks hurt.

Not yet. But someday. Soon.

Several minutes later, after the water had finally boiled, and the necessary ingredients put into the aging container, Gally suggested they watch TV in his room. Ben agreed happily.

“What should we watch?” Gally asked.

“I don’t know, what do you have?”

“Let’s see, I have the first five series of _Downton Abbey_ , I have all three series of _Avatar: The Last Airbender_ , and I have some films as well.”

“Ooh, let’s watch _Avatar_! I loved that show, I haven't seen it for years.”

Gally smiled. “I love it too. Clearly.”

Ben huffed. “Too bad we don’t have any Amaretto to drink. I guess I can come back in a few days when it’s ready, we won’t be able to watch all of _Avatar_ in one day anyway.”

Gally’s heart jumped at the indication that Ben intended to watch the entire show, all sixty-one episodes, with him. To cover his joy, he cleared his throat and said, “Actually…”

“What?”

Gally coughed. “We just take the apricots out and add the glycerine in a few days. It has to keep aging for at least another month.”

“What?! You didn’t tell me that!” Ben’s eyes widened in mock anger at him, but Gally could tell he was suppressing a smile.

“I was going to mention it eventually…” Gally pressed his lips together, trying not to grin.

“I never would’ve agreed if I knew it took that long to make,” Ben groaned.

“It’ll be ready before we leave for Christmas, we can drink it then as a celebration. And relax, I have some Frangelico that’s been aging for a while, it should be good by now.”

Ben immediately brightened up. “Okay, you’ve redeemed yourself,” he said. “You grab the alcohol, I’ll make some popcorn, and then we can go watch Aang and the gang defeat the Fire Nation.”

“The Gaang,” Gally said, putting extra emphasis on the double vowel.

“Yes, that,” Ben agreed with a smile.

When they had gathered the drinks and snacks and settled in with episode one: _The Boy in the Iceberg_ , both of them leaning back against pillows cushioning the wall behind Gally’s bed, arms touching shoulder to elbow and legs touching all the way down, Gally was feeling very cozy indeed. This whole situation was testing his resolve about Ben.

“Is it weird that I kind of think Zuko is hot, even though he’s a cartoon?” Ben asked.

“No, that’s pretty normal actually,” Gally answered calmly.

Ben took a swig of Frangelico. “Okay, this is really good,” he admitted. “You’re right, it might be worth all the effort.”

“I told you,” Gally answered.

“No need to be smug about it,” Ben joked.

“Hey, if you’re not going to appreciate my hard work, maybe I’ll just enjoy it all by myself next time.”

“I appreciate your hard work!” Ben protested. “Didn’t I just say it was really good?”

“You didn’t like my secret recipe brew though, remember?” Gally pretended to pout.

“Yeah, because that one was gross! But this one is good.”

“Shh, I’m trying to watch,” Gally said, gesturing at the TV. “First you insult my brew, then you distract me from my favourite cartoon. So rude.”

“Piss off,” Ben said, laughing as he shoved Gally’s shoulder. In response, Gally dug his elbow into Ben’s ribs, and Ben burst into fresh gales of laughter. When they settled down to watch again, Ben shifted so he was leaning more of his weight against Gally. Gally froze, afraid any movement he made would disrupt this perfect situation and send Ben flying away from him. So he sat, unnaturally still, for several minutes, until eventually he relaxed without quite realising exactly when it had happened. They finished the episode, and then the next, and the next, talking occasionally as they watched.

“If you lived in the world of _Avatar_ , which element do you think you would bend?” Ben asked him.

“I don’t know, that’s a good question,” Gally answered thoughtfully. “I’d like to say something cool like firebender or airbender. But I think in reality I would be an earthbender.”

“Earthbenders are cool,” Ben objected.

“Eh, there’s a couple who are cool, like Toph and King Bumi, but the rest are pretty lame,” Gally said. “But it’s okay, I accept it. It’s who I am.”

“You’re not lame!”

“I know,” Gally laughed. “I meant more like, I think earthbending fits my personality.”

“Oh, okay. Yeah, I think I can see that actually,” Ben said.

“What would you be?”

“Honestly I’m not sure. I was trying to think just now, but I can’t decide.” Ben deliberated for a moment. “I think I’m most attracted to the airbender lifestyle.”

“You want to be a nomad?” Gally asked with a slight smile.

“That, and I just like the idea of trying to live my life without hurting anyone else, respecting all peoples and cultures. The air nomads are so peaceful and chill. I like their vibe.”

“That does fit you, I think,” Gally agreed.

“But yeah, firebending would be really cool,” Ben said with a grin.

“That’s what I thought! It would be so awesome!”

“But it’s also supposed to be the hardest to control.” Ben’s mouth turned down.

“Zuko and Aang seem to manage just fine,” Gally pointed out. “At least, after only a few brief hiccups.”

“True.”

They went back to watching, and Gally went back to trying not to think about the fact that if he was brave enough, he could lean his head down just a few inches and it would be resting on top of Ben’s head.

  


* * *

  


Gally had been working on this project into the small hours of the morning, and he was so exhausted it almost wasn’t worth trying to stay awake any longer because the quality of his work was suffering. He decided to just sleep an hour or two on the sofa in the common area of the studio, so he didn’t have to go home. He could easily take a quick nap and then get back to work when his brain was more functional.

Unfortunately, when he lay down on the couch he realised he was still wired, maybe from the caffeine or maybe because the anxiety was sending his brain through constant loop-the-loops. But he was so tired, he kept slipping strangely in and out of consciousness, and it was hard to tell what was real and what was part of the dream.

_He’s lying on the sofa, and there’s a man there. He’s never seen him before; why is he here? Is he a custodian? He raises his head off the sofa and looks at the man. Then he blacks out and the next thing he remembers is the man standing over him, asking if he’s ok. He doesn’t know how to answer. He blacks out again, and the next time he opens his eyes the man is gone. Even later, after he wakes up, he’s never certain if the man was really there or not._

_He’s running through the maze with the tall, ivy-covered stone walls again, and he knows he’s been here before, maybe even within the same dream. Sometimes the dreams repeat themselves over and over and over, and he remembers everything but he can never change the outcome; some invisible force compels him to follow the same script each time. He’s running away from the monster again, but this time his limbs follow his orders, and he’s able to get away and find somewhere to hide. Then the dream changes, and he’s facing a crowd of boys; some are friends of his, some are from his course and some seem completely random. Jack is there, and Dan, Frypan and Minho, and even Newt and Thomas. Again, in the strange way of dreams, they don’t really look like themselves, but he knows it’s them without a doubt. For reasons he doesn’t understand, Minho throws a spear into his chest, right in the spot where the fence post hit him, but from the front. It hurts some, but not as much as it should._

_The dream changes, and he’s running through the maze again. It plays out exactly the same as last time: he runs away from the monster, taking all the same turns, and finds somewhere to hide, the same place as before. Then it changes again, just like last time, but this time there’s more boys, and one of them is Ben. And this time it’s Ben who throws the spear through his chest._

_The dream changes again, and somehow he knows that this part is not related to the others. All the boys who were there in the earlier part are here now, as well as Nick and his gang. They’re all standing in a semicircle around the entrance to the maze, some holding spears, some holding long poles with cross bars at the end. And they’re all surrounding one person._

_Ben._

_Gally is one of the people holding a long pole. The doors start to close. They’re given a signal, and as one, they lower the poles and start to drive Ben towards the doors, into the maze._

_Ben is crying; he’s whimpering and begging and pleading for them not to do this, please, please don’t do this, please listen -_

_No one listens. No one stops._

_The scream Ben makes when the doors snap shut will haunt him forever. He doesn’t know where he is, or what the maze is, but he knows Ben is as good as dead. And Gally has helped kill him._

Gally woke up screaming to find Ben standing over him, trying to shake him awake.

“Gally, what’s wrong? What’s happening?”

Gally sat up slowly, disoriented.The feeling of the dream lingered around him, and he felt unsettled and frightened and ashamed.

“I… I was having a nightmare.”

Ben sat down on the sofa next to Gally without saying anything. He put his arm around Gally’s back and rubbed his shoulder lightly before dropping his arm to his side. “Do you want to talk about it?”

 _Absolutely not._ “No, I’ll be fine, I just need to think about something else.” Gally forced a smile. “Like how much I need to get done on my project today if I don’t want to be completely fucked.”

“Ugh, same,” Ben answered, dropping his head into his hands. “That’s why I’m here so early, I’m so far behind! I have about a million assignments and different things to do.”

“I guess we’d better get to work, then.”

Gally made himself a cup of coffee and then went back to his desk, but he found it difficult to focus. His mind kept wandering back to his dream, to the way Ben had looked as they all pushed him past the closing doors. He couldn’t get the dream version of Ben’s grimy, tear-soaked face out of his head. He’d looked awful; he must have also been seriously ill, with huge dark circles under his eyes, coughing and retching up some kind of viscous black liquid.

Gally told himself again and again that it wasn’t real; it was just a nightmare. For whatever reason, his subconscious mind had combined the memory of Ben and Nick’s gang with his recurring nightmare about being chased by a monster through a maze, and apparently for extra measure threw in some kind of hideous disease. But it wasn’t real. It hadn’t really happened. It was probably just a manifestation of his guilt over what he’d done to Ben all those years ago. But Ben was fine. He wasn’t ill, and he wasn’t dead. He’d already forgiven Gally.

Still, he couldn’t stop thinking about it, and it made him feel sick. The look on Ben’s face, one of utter despair and terror. His scream.

“How’s the project going?”

Gally jumped and nearly fell off his stool. He’d been so lost in thought, he hadn’t noticed Ben approach at all. He tried to recover, but he knew Ben had seen his flinch from a mile away.

“Woah, someone’s a little jumpy,” Ben joked.

Gally tried to smile, but he was just too damn tired. Instead he laid his head down on his desk and sighed.

“What’s wrong?” Ben asked. Gally could hear the concern in his voice. “Is it just stress? Are you tired? Or is it something else?”

Gally closed his eyes briefly, then raised his head up to look at Ben. “I had a nightmare that… that you died.” _I had a nightmare that I killed you._ Gally tried to tell himself that he hadn’t killed Ben in the dream, not really, but he knew that was just a technicality. He may not have delivered the death blow, but he as good as killed him. Gally swallowed painfully. “It’s nothing, it was just a nightmare.”

“You don’t have to do that, you know,” Ben said.

“Do what?”

“Pretend like you’re fine when you’re not. Not around me, at least.”

“I’m…” Gally trailed off. He wasn’t even sure how he was. “It’s just, sometimes when I have a really vivid nightmare, it stays with me all day, and it makes me feel… weird. Off. I don’t know how to describe it exactly, but it’s like I’m scared of something, but I don’t know what I’m scared of. It’s almost as if I’m expecting the nightmare to come true all day. And it was a really bad nightmare.”

“I’m sorry. That sounds awful.”

Gally’s feeling of shame increased. Ben was apologising to him, when he was the one who should be apologising to Ben. “I’ll be fine. It was just a dream.”

“Hey.” Ben put his hand on Gally’s knee and squeezed gently. “Remember what I said?”

Gally watched him silently, his eyes searching Ben’s. Ben met his gaze steadily. Gally could feel a tiredness headache forming behind his eyes, pulsing up into his forehead.

“Hey,” Ben said again. “I’m right here, ok? I haven’t died, and I’m not planning on dying anytime soon. So there’s nothing to worry about.”

Gally blinked and tried to nod, but his eyes were stinging and his body felt oddly stiff.

The edges of Ben’s mouth quirked down. “You look exhausted. Do you want to take a nap?”

“No,” Gally answered quickly. Too quickly.

“Ok,” Ben relented. “I’ll make you some coffee, then?”

“Thanks,” Gally said, relieved.

  


* * *

  


It was the last day before the Christmas holidays. All assignments had been turned in, and they didn’t need to worry about course work at all for a few weeks. Ben was over at Gally’s house again, and they were drinking the Amaretto, which was now sufficiently aged.

“Damn, this is good,” Ben said appreciatively.

“I told you so,” Gally said. “Homemade is always better than store bought.”

“It’s not that I didn’t believe you,” Ben said, the hint of a smile on his lips, “it’s just that I didn’t think it would actually be this good.”

“You have so little faith in me,” Gally said, shaking his head in mock disappointment.

“My faith was weak.” Ben pretended to sob. “Please forgive me.”

“Maybe you should take it easy there,” Gally laughed as Ben took another long gulp of his drink. “Don’t you have a train to catch tomorrow?”

“So do you,” Ben argued.

“Yeah, but mine isn’t until the afternoon. Isn’t yours at half eight?”

“I can sleep on the train,” Ben shrugged.

“Hey, it’s your funeral.”

“What are we watching?”

“Well, do you want something Christmassy, or do you want to keep watching _Avatar_?”

“Uh, both? Is both an option?”

Gally laughed. “I guess it is, although not at the same time. Which do you want first?”

“Christmas!”

“Okay, do you want classic or contemporary?”

“Classic. No wait, contemporary.”

“Do you want a fun, silly children’s movie, or a sappy romantic comedy?”

Ben grinned. “Will you judge me if I say sappy romantic comedy?”

“It would be pretty hypocritical if I did, as I own all these films in the first place. Okay, so out of these, which one do you want to watch?” Gally held up three DVD cases, displaying the covers to Ben.

“Ooh, I want _Love, Actually_!” Ben said eagerly.

“Nice choice,” Gally said approvingly. “Almost a classic in its own right.” Gally removed the disc from the case and put it in the DVD player. As it started playing, they settled onto the bed right up next to each other, leaning back against the wall, cushioned by pillows. The position felt so natural by now that Gally was almost unaffected by it, by Ben’s shoulder brushing his whenever Ben shifted, by Ben’s leg up against his. Almost.

“I know these kinds of romantic comedies are cheesy and unrealistic and actually give us a warped idea of what romance should be like,” Ben said, “but I can’t help it, I love this film.”

Gally smiled. “Me, too. Obviously, because I own it, and I watch it at least once a year.”

“My favourite part is when the little boy runs through the airport to say goodbye to the little girl.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty adorable. If you overlook the airport safety concerns.”

“Hush. It’s a film. Let me have this.”

“It is really cute,” Gally agreed.

They watched in silence for a few minutes, occasionally taking drinks of Amaretto.

“Oh hey, I looked up the difference between almond oil and almond extract,” Ben said casually.

Gally, who had been right in the middle of taking a sip, accidentally inhaled a mouthful of Amaretto and promptly began to cough it back up.

“Are you okay?” Ben asked as he thumped Gally on the back.

“Yeah, I’m good,” Gally answered, still sputtering. “Why did you look that up?”

“I was just curious. As it turns out, almond oil is made from sweet almonds and almond extract is made from bitter almonds plus some other stuff.”

“Hmm,” Gally muttered noncommittally. His face betrayed him, sending a warm glow across his cheeks and the back of his neck.

“What?” Ben said, looking at him curiously. “Why are you being weird?”

“I’m not being weird.”

“Yes, you are. You’ve gone all quiet, and you’re blushing.”

“ _I’m not being weird._ ”

“Ok, fine.” Ben leaned back against the wall, returning his focus to the screen. “If you say so.”

They soon became immersed in watching the film, and Gally found he kept subtly turning to look at Ben’s face during the emotional scenes. He loved watching Ben react, seeing the emotions playing across his features, both the triumph and the heartache. Ben was an experience all on his own.

After _Love, Actually_ was finished, and they had talked over their favourite and least favourite parts, the conversation detached and rather giggly, they picked up where they had last left off with _Avatar: The Last Airbender_. Several episodes later, around two in the morning, Gally asked, “Do you want to go home so you can get some sleep?”

“At this point I think it would be easier to just stay up all night than try to get a few hours of sleep and catch my train in the morning,” Ben answered.

“You can stay here, if you want. I can sleep on the floor, and you can take the bed.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, I’m not making you sleep on the floor,” Ben declared.

“I don’t mind.”

“There’s plenty of room, we can share.”

“Are you sure?” Gally asked. “I really don’t mind.”

“I do mind. There’s no reason for you to suffer on the floor when there’s more than enough room for two people on the bed.”

“I wouldn’t be suffering,” Gally said, laughing softly.

“Yes, you would. The floor is hard and uncomfortable. The bed is soft and nice. Just stop being a martyr and say yes.”

“Okay.” Gally smiled, feeling shy but pleased.

“Good,” Ben said, satisfied. “But it won’t matter that much anyway, because we’re pulling an all-nighter! I’m making you stay up with me to watch Avatar all night long.”

Gally groaned.

“No, none of that! It’s going to be fun. I’ve decided.” Ben sounded as though he would force Gally to have a good time by sheer determination.

“You’ve decided it’s going to be fun, have you?” Gally asked, grinning.

“Yes.” Ben’s answer was stated with absolute certainty, without a hint of hesitation. Gally could hear the smile in his voice, and he wished he could swallow that smile down with the Amaretto and keep it inside him forever.

They had reached those magic, early hours of the morning, when the barriers between this world and alternate ones seemed to thin. Everything felt looser, closer to the surface, less real; the seams in reality stretched. Gally was elated and giddy and intoxicated, even though he didn’t think he’d actually had much to drink. Not anywhere near as much as Ben, anyway, and Ben could only hold his drink half as well as Gally. It was as much the lateness of the hour, the rich anticipation of the holidays and freedom from course work, the proximity of Ben, as it was the alcohol. It was as much the fact that Ben was on his third glass of Amaretto, and he wasn’t mixing it with anything, and it showed.

It was just as much Ben leaning his head on Gally’s shoulder as they sat watching Avatar, then moving to lay his head in Gally’s lap, one hand wedged under Gally’s thigh, the other resting on top of his knee. It was easily as much Ben crying at the end of _The Tales of Ba Sing Se_ , and then again during _Appa’s Lost Days_ , letting Gally stroke his hair soothingly, his head still in Gally’s lap, as Gally reminded him that everything turned out fine, and Appa would be reunited with Aang soon. It was as much Ben sitting up, wiping his eyes and laughing with chagrin, wrapping his arms around Gally’s shoulders, and throwing his legs over Gally’s so that he was practically sitting in Gally’s lap.

It was as much all of those things, as it was the alcohol.

Somehow, Gally’s arms found their way around Ben’s waist, supporting him as he leaned into Gally’s side. And he had no idea how it happened, but then Ben was dozing on his shoulder, and Gally was holding him up, hands clasped together around his back, his grip the only thing keeping Ben from falling backward. He wasn’t completely asleep; every once in a while Gally saw his eyelids flutter open and closed as he drifted in and out, and sometimes he muttered words Gally couldn’t quite make out. During one of his more conscious instances, he shifted slightly, just enough to lean himself more securely into Gally, and as his head adjusted, his hair tickled Gally’s neck.

Gally wanted to tell him now. Surely by now enough time had passed for Ben to be over his girlfriend? The words were there, on the tip of his tongue, and the alcohol humming inside him, along with the surreal atmosphere, seemed to be pushing them closer and closer to the edge, ready to fly out and be spoken into existence.

But still he hesitated. The reasons he felt it would be so easy to finally tell Ben how he felt were the very reasons he shouldn’t do it now. They had been drinking, he felt mildly delirious, Ben might be encouraging him now but this wasn’t necessarily the Ben he would have to face in the morning; nothing felt real.

Gally wanted it to feel real, when he did finally tell Ben, no matter what happened after. He wanted to feel firmly grounded, not floating a mile above the ground, in danger of drifting away at any moment. He wanted Ben to be the Ben he could be certain wouldn’t regret his decision. He wanted to be so nervous he thought he might black out, instead of being able to confess these profound feelings as easily as he would make a silly joke.

He wanted it to be real.

So he waited. Not yet, but soon. He would tell Ben soon.

  


* * *

  


It was late at night, so Ben was wearing his glasses, and his hair was messy, sticking up every which way. No matter how many times Gally saw him like this, he couldn’t get used to it. Ben looked so cute Gally couldn’t stand to look directly at him; instead, he kept sneaking sidelong glances every thirty seconds or so.

After they’d been working for a few hours, they stopped for a quick snack break and caffeine boost. While they were standing in the kitchen, waiting for the kettle to boil, Ben spoke.

“Hey, can I talk to you about something? I’m having a bit of a personal dilemma.”

Gally smiled. “Don’t you know by now you can always talk to me about anything?”

Ben exhaled a laugh through his nose. “I guess I should know that by now, huh?”

“Fire away,” Gally told him.

“Well… I’ve been talking to Beth a lot recently. She really wants us to get back together.”

A giant, invisible fist wrapped around Gally’s heart and squeezed it painfully. “What do you want to do?” he asked carefully, trying to keep his voice impassive.

Ben sighed heavily. “I have no idea what I want. I mean… nothing’s really changed. So I don’t know why she thinks it would suddenly be better now. But it’s not like it was all bad. There were some really good parts too.”

“But you said you didn’t love her,” Gally said. “I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but… if you don’t really love her, wouldn’t it be better, in the long run, to let her find someone who will?”

“I’m not sure anymore… maybe I did love her?” His voice turned up at the end, like he was asking Gally a question. Gally wished he knew the answer for certain. “I mean, I definitely care about her, she was one of my closest friends. And we did have fun together.” With every word, the fist around Gally’s heart squeezed tighter and tighter.

“Well, obviously I can’t decide for you, but… if that’s what you really want, then you should go for it. But are you sure you’re not, I don’t know, maybe just feeling lonely and wishing you had someone, and feeling like you want to go back to Beth because that’s what you’re used to?”

“That’s my whole dilemma,” Ben groaned, running a hand through his already-disheveled hair in frustration. “I have no idea how I feel, I have no idea what I want.”

“Well, like I said, I can’t decide for you.”

“Why not?” Ben said, flashing a small smile. “It would be so much easier.”

Gally forced a smile and a laugh that was only a single syllable. _Because if I decided, there would be a conflict of interest._ “Sorry, but you have to figure this one out for yourself.”

The kettle finally boiled, and they took their snack and caffeine break. When they spoke again it was only about coursework. But inside, Gally was fuming and cursing himself.

He’d waited too long. He’d been afraid, and he had allowed the fear to sway him. He had meant to tell Ben after the Christmas holidays, but every time he thought about it, the moment never felt quite right, and now he’d gone and waited so long that it was too late.

Gally couldn’t bear to think about how he would feel if Ben got back with his ex-girlfriend. They would still be good friends, best friends, even; but he’d almost managed to convince himself that maybe, just possibly, Ben wanted more, the same way Gally wanted more. But perhaps he had been deluding himself.

  


* * *

  


He hadn’t meant to, he really hadn’t. But he’d been at a house party, trying not to think about the possibility of Ben getting back with Beth, and Newt had been there, trying to prove that he wasn’t as into Thomas as everyone knew he was. Thomas was at the party too, and Gally would be lying if he said getting Thomas back for being a creepy fuck wasn’t an added bonus. Honestly, he couldn’t for the life of him figure out what Newt saw in Thomas.

He only felt a tiny bit guilty when, out of the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of Thomas, and the look on his face at seeing Gally with Newt. But he pushed the guilt away; it really wasn’t his problem. No, Ben was his problem. And this definitely wasn’t the solution, but it sure as hell made him feel better.

  


* * *

  


“I’ve decided not to get back together with Beth.”

They were in the studio again, working next to each other in silence, when Ben had brought the subject up again almost out of nowhere. There were a few other students around, but they were far enough away and absorbed in their own work that Ben and Gally had sufficient privacy, and the two were stood in a relatively secluded corner.

“Yeah?” Gally fought hard to keep the note of pure joy in his voice to a minimum.

“Yeah, I decided you were right, I was just feeling kind of lonely and insecure and wanted something familiar and easy. But I have to stick with my gut, and I just didn’t feel about her the way that she wanted me to.”

“It’s a tough situation,” Gally said, rubbing Ben’s back comfortingly, “but you made a decision and you stuck with it, and I’m proud of you. Are you feeling ok?”

“Yeah, I am. I feel relieved again. Which I think means I made the right decision.” Ben reached his arm up under Gally’s, wrapping around Gally’s back, and then before Gally knew it Ben was pulling him in for a hug. His arms, already on top of Ben’s, went up to wrap around Ben’s shoulders as Ben’s went around his middle. Ben ducked his head, curling into Gally’s chest, and Gally rested his chin on the top of Ben’s head.

Maybe now was the time to finally tell him. Gally thought he had reason to hope Ben might feel the same way. But first there was something he had to get off his chest.

Gally lifted his chin off Ben’s head and said, “Hey Ben?”

“Yeah?” Ben said into Gally’s chest.

“I know we’ve already kind of talked about this, and you said you didn’t want to bring it up again, but there’s something I really need to tell you.”

Ben pulled back slightly, but kept his arms locked around Gally. He didn’t say anything, but looked up at Gally, his eyes looking mildly puzzled.

Gally took a deep breath. “It’s about that day, with Nick and the others, the day they attacked you. The day _I_ attacked you. I know you seem to have already forgiven me, because you’re the nicest and basically best person ever, but I still want to properly apologise, for helping them torment you, and especially for pushing you to the ground and hurting you. It was unforgivable, I’ve felt awful about it ever since, and I can’t believe you’ve forgiven me so easily when I don’t deserve it. I just want you to know how sorry I am, truly.”

Ben’s brow contracted in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

Gally paused, astounded. “I…” he stuttered. “I’m talking about the time we followed you after school, surrounded you and pushed you around the circle. I pushed you so hard you fell over?”

“Gally…” Ben said slowly. Gally closed his eyes and waited for Ben to remember, to pull away from the embrace, to tell Gally he hated him and never wanted to see him again. “That never happened.”

Gally’s eyes flew open. Ben looked more confused than ever, and Gally was sure his own face mirrored it. “What do you mean, it never happened? We were both there. I pushed you and you fell over. And you were bleeding, you scraped your knee and your hands?”

“None of that happened,” Ben insisted. “They caught up to me after school, yes, and you were with them. But no one pushed me. They just yelled terrible things at me, as per usual. And you didn’t do anything to me, you were just standing off to the side.”

“No, you’re thinking of a different time,” Gally said, shaking his head.

“No, I’m not,” Ben argued, a bemused expression on his face. “I remember because it was right around the time you…”

“Got Stung and almost died? Yeah,” Gally answered. “But… I remember… I can see it all in my head so clearly. It definitely happened.”

“I’m telling you, none of that happened.”

Gally finally pulled away from Ben, arms dropping to his sides. “Holy fucking shit.” His brain felt stuck, unable to process what Ben was telling him. “What the fuck.”

Ben looked concerned. “Gally, you don’t think because of your allergic reaction and everything that happened... I mean, you almost died, do you think that might have… affected your memory of what happened?”

“Oh my god.” Gally couldn’t manage a proper answer, his brain was too busy stalling, replaying the memory, trying to accept the fact that it might not be real. He felt like the floor had been ripped out from under him, and now he was falling down a lift shaft, stomach in his throat, heart racing. _What the fuck is happening? If that wasn’t real, what else wasn’t?_ He couldn’t trust his own mind, it might be lying to him. His hands went up to his face, covering his eyes, fingers curling and knuckles digging into his temples.

“Are you ok?” Ben asked, reaching out for Gally, but changing his mind and pulling back before he touched him.

Gally didn’t answer. His mind was already going back, back to the day he was Stung.

_Everything is happening so fast, and yet seconds expand out to eternities. It seems to take forever for the ambulance to arrive, and at the same time, it happens so quickly he barely remembers the wait. Once they get him on the stretcher and load him inside, they start all the poking and prodding and emergency-drug-administering. Somehow they manage to shove a breathing tube down his swollen throat. It hurts, but he’s already so far gone he barely notices._

_In films people always talk about their life flashing before their eyes; in a way that happens, but it isn’t his past life, it’s his future. What’s left of it, anyway. He sees his death, there on the stretcher in the ambulance. He sees the doctors telling his mother he died on the way to hospital, sees her break down. He sees everyone at school, crying at his funeral, wishing they’d been nicer to him when he was alive._

_He sees Ben._

_He sees Ben, being glad he’s dead. Thinking he deserves it._

_All this flashes through his mind in less than a second. And then he remembers nothing at all, until he’s waking up in a hospital bed._

Was it possible that, in the trauma of everything that happened, of his heart stopping, he’d imagined hurting Ben, and his brain had somehow applied it backwards as a false memory? Had he felt so guilty about abandoning his best friend that he’d actually invented a scenario that matched the severity of how he felt? He wouldn’t have thought it was possible for a false memory to feel so convincingly real; but then again, he had nearly died. His brain had probably been deprived of oxygen. That shit could make all kinds of strange things seem to happen.

The sound of Ben’s voice cut through his thoughts and brought him back to reality. “Is that why you never kept in touch after you moved away?”

“I thought you hated me,” Gally whispered.

“Gally,” Ben said softly, shaking his head. “I tried to ring you, but… your mum always said you were resting. Eventually I gave up.”

The dots started connecting in his head: his mother’s subtle but disapproving looks when he went round to Ben’s so often in his early teen years; her quiet encouragement of him spending more time with Nick’s group and less time with Ben; and after the accident, hadn’t she dropped hints that she blamed Ben? Maybe he needed to have a little chat with his mum…

“I still can’t believe that for _six whole years_ I thought that had happened. And it wasn’t even real.” He rubbed his forehead fiercely. The memory was still there in his head, as vivid as ever, despite Ben’s denial and his own doubt. “I still remember it. It feels so real. I still remember it happening.”

“I’m sorry.” Ben’s face looked sad. He reached for Gally’s hands and intertwined their fingers.

“What are you sorry for?” Gally laughed incredulously.

“Sorry that I made you freak out. I don’t know. Sorry that it happened to you at all. Sorry that we went so long without keeping in touch because of it.”

Gally’s head cleared. “Ben, listen to me,” he said, disentangling his hands from Ben’s and placing them on either side of Ben’s face. He didn’t think he would normally be this bold, but he was still reeling from the shocking discovery. “You don’t need to be sorry for anything. Absolutely none of this was your fault. I should still be apologising to you. Even if that memory was false, I was still a horrible excuse for a friend.”

When he answered, Ben’s voice was soft but earnest. “I told you, that was ages ago and it doesn’t matter anymore. Maybe it used to matter, but it doesn’t now. And I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Seriously. You’re my best friend, Gally. You always have been.”

Gally dropped his hands, and Ben took the opportunity to grab them with his own once again. He still didn’t feel entirely relieved of his guilt, but he could tell Ben meant it when he said he didn’t want to talk about it again.

Gally swallowed painfully. “You know, I was in the tree that day because… because I wanted to talk to you.”

“I know,” Ben answered unhappily. “I saw the blue cloth after you fell.”

“Would you have come out to meet me?”

“Yes. Always. And I thought the signal meant you wanted to go back to the way we were.”

“It did,” Gally confirmed. “I wanted to apologise. I thought… well, since the accident, I thought I wanted to apologise for hurting you. But I guess I originally wanted to apologise for abandoning you.” He shook his head. “I still can’t get over that,” he admitted ruefully, thinking of the false memory. “It still feels so real.”

“I should’ve tried harder to see you after the accident,” Ben murmured wistfully.

“I don’t know how you could possibly think you’re in any way at fault in any of this. I was the one who - ”

“Shh.”

“But - ”

“Nope. Shut it.”

Gally pressed his lips together, suppressing a smile. “You know, you’re too nice for your own good.”

“No, I’m not.” Ben shook his head and gently squeezed Gally’s fingers. “You’re meaner to yourself than you deserve.” He sighed, looking down at the ground. “I just wish…”

“What?” Gally tightened his fingers around Ben’s and used his hold to pull Ben a tiny bit closer. As his hands swung forward, Ben took a small step closer to Gally.

Ben looked up at Gally, his eyes shining and sincere. “I wish we hadn’t lost touch for all that time. We could’ve been… being friends that whole time.”

Gally swallowed around the lump that had appeared in his throat, meeting Ben’s eyes and holding his gaze without blinking. “Well, we’re friends now. And we’ll always be friends. From now on.”

Ben smiled softly. “Ok.”

  


* * *

  


Gally normally considered himself a fairly calm person, but there were certain things that really bothered him, and two of those things were currently before him, running their mouths in the most obnoxious way.

“And then she made a noise like a dying frog and I almost lost my hard-on,” Jamie, one of his coursemates, said.

“That’s what you get when you bang a slag,” Tim, another course mate, said, joining in Jamie’s laughter. Neither of them seemed to notice they were the only ones laughing. “I was with one last weekend who was so loose, it was like throwing a pencil down a hallway.”

Gally wondered if he should say something. He could see Ben and Dan also shifting uncomfortably in their seats, frowning slightly. If he made it clear he wasn’t complicit in this, he was sure the two of them would back him up.

“What about you, Benny?” Jamie addressed Ben. “You must be enjoying the single life again, eh? Get to fuck all the birds you want now, I bet. Been with any croakers?”

“I haven’t been with anyone since Beth and I broke up,” Ben said shortly. “And anyway, I don’t get off on humiliating women.”

Gally flashed Ben a grateful look. “Yeah, that’s a pretty fucked-up way to talk about someone,” he agreed.

Jamie hastily tried to backtrack. “I didn’t humiliate her! I would never have said anything to her face.”

 _Yeah, but you’re still laughing about it now, dick._ Gally didn’t understand how someone could be so completely lacking in self-awareness.

“I suppose you treat all the girls you fuck with the utmost respect, Gally?” Tim asked, his voice mocking. “Let them boss you around, like some kind of queer?”

Gally looked at Tim through narrowed eyes, intense loathing rolling off him like heat off the pavement on a summer day. “Fuck off.”

He wasn’t ashamed of sleeping with men. He wasn’t. But that didn’t mean he wanted every asshole in his acquaintance to have access to that private information about him. Maybe if he were more vocal about it, they would watch what they were saying more closely. Then again, why was it down to him to educate every ignorant hetero idiot? Why couldn’t they just be decent human beings?

“Do you maybe want to stop being a dick, Tim?” Dan spoke up. Gally’s eyes flicked to him briefly, sending him a quick, tight smile of thanks.

“Maybe we should just change the subject,” Ben suggested.

“No homo, but I think I like anal better than regular sex,” Jamie said.

Tim laughed, his eyes bugging out and his mouth hanging open, looking like a caricature of amusement. “That’s pretty gay, mate,” he said. Gally wanted to punch him right in his stupid face. “What’s the name of that bender in the music department, you know the one who’s a bit of a man whore?”

“Newt?” Jamie asked. Gally felt a flash of white-hot fury, and at the same time cold chills erupted throughout his body, spreading down his spine, across his chest and through his arms.

“Yes, him!” Tim crowed. “Why don’t you give him a call, since apparently that’s what you’re into? Everyone knows he’d get on his back for anyone.” Tim laughed again savagely, while Jamie vehemently denied being gay. But not too strongly, of course, or it could be taken as confirmation. Gally felt like he wanted to throw up, cry, and hit someone, all at once. “Hey Gally, you’re friendly with Newt, right? Can you give his number to Jamie?”

Gally could feel himself starting to shake, and his heart was pounding. Before he could say anything, Ben turned to Tim and said defiantly, “If you want his number so badly, Tim, ask him yourself. I don’t blame you, he’s hot, but personally I think he’s way out of your league.”

Dan laughed, chiming in, “Yeah, Tim, Newt’s so out of your league, you wouldn’t stand a chance.”

Tim flushed, and as he took a breath to speak Gally braced himself for the fuckery that was undoubtedly about to come out of his mouth. “I’m not gay, but if I was I wouldn’t be interested in him. I wouldn't want to catch whatever he’d be likely to give me.”

Dan stood up abruptly. “Okay, that’s it. I’ve had enough. I’m going over there,” he gestured to an empty table across the room, “to do my work. Both of you,” he nodded to Tim and Jamie, “please never speak to me again unless it’s about course work. I can’t stop you being assholes, but I don’t have to sit here and listen to it.”

While Jamie and Tim were still blinking in shock, Ben turned to Gally. “Hey, we should get going or we’ll be late for that thing.”

“What thing?” Gally asked, confusion momentarily overriding the other emotions building inside him.

“You know, _the thing_ ,” Ben said, tilting his head and emphasizing the last two words significantly.

Suddenly it clicked. “Oh, _right_ ,” Gally said, standing up hastily and grabbing his book bag.

“We’ll see you later, Dan,” Ben called, pointedly ignoring the other two.

They walked down the stairs in silence, and Gally only spoke once they had exited the building completely.

“Are you going to tell me where we’re really going?” he asked, trying to sound playful but not quite succeeding. He could still hear the blood pounding in his ears. “Since obviously we don’t have a mysterious urgent ‘thing’ to get to.”

“Those guys are assholes,” Ben said angrily. “If Dan hadn’t already spoken up, I would’ve said something.”

“I know,” Gally sighed. “And normally it doesn’t get to me like this, but it’s just - they don’t even know Newt, where do they get off saying shit like that? Because, okay, yes, he’s known for sleeping around, but that doesn’t mean he’ll just sleep with _anyone_. And I’m 100% certain he’s cleaner than either of those two fuckwads.” He forced himself to stop ranting before he got too wound up again.

Ben was silent for a moment. “We could go to the Student Union for a sandwich,” he said finally.

“Sure,” Gally replied. He wondered how much Ben knew about him and Newt, their history. It wasn’t really a secret, but it had also never come up between the two of them before. And if he was being honest with himself, Gally had probably avoided the subject on purpose.

Well, now was as good a time as any, since they were on the topic already. Gally cleared his throat nervously. “I know I’ve never really talked about it before, although I think you probably already know, but… I, well, I like guys. I sleep with guys. Sometimes.”

“Yeah, I knew that.” Ben’s face started to turn pink.

“Oh. Good.” Judging by the heat he could feel radiating from his cheeks, his own face matched the colour of Ben’s.

“You know I would never… treat you any differently,” Ben muttered, looking at his shoes.

“No, I know. You’re a really good friend.” Gally forced himself to look at Ben, and when Ben glanced up he caught Gally’s gaze and held it, still blushing but looking resolute. “You’re my best friend.”

“You’re mine, too,” Ben answered.

They kept walking for a while in silence. They had almost reached the Student Union before Ben spoke again.

“So, you and Newt, huh?”

Gally felt his pulse stutter, but he fought to keep his voice steady and casual. “Yeah, that happened,” he laughed. “It’s over now, though.”

“Any other cute guys caught your eye?” Ben’s tone was somewhere between jovial and earnest.

Gally couldn’t stop his gaze from flicking directly to Ben’s face for a moment before returning to the front. “Maybe. I don't know. We’ll see,” he said with a small smile. “How about you? Any good dating prospects?”

“Oh, I’m always on the lookout for cute boys,” Ben replied.

Gally cracked a grin. “Is that so?”

An answering grin spread its way across Ben’s face. “Yep.”

After getting sandwiches from the shop in the Student Union, they found empty chairs in one of the sitting areas to sit and eat. After a while, Gally felt the last of his residual anger and irritation draining away, replaced by the calm and content he always felt with Ben. Those two idiots didn’t matter. He pushed them from his mind and told himself they couldn’t hurt him, no one could hurt him as long as he had friends like Ben and Dan who accepted him and cared about him.

They stayed mostly quiet, the conversation only picking up again when they had finished eating.

“I heard Newt and Thomas made up,” Ben said, looking at Gally carefully.

“Where’d you hear that?”

“Thomas is in my Saturday morning running group.”

“Of course.” Gally exhaled, half laugh, half exasperated sigh.

“So, what do you think?”

“What do I think about what?”

“About Newt and Thomas getting back together,” Ben prompted.

“I don’t really care, but I guess it’s about time,” Gally said flippantly. “Thought those two were never going to figure their shit out. I don’t know why they spent so long pretending they weren’t really together.”

“Maybe they were taking it slow,” Ben suggested.

Gally snorted. “There’s taking it slow and then there’s living in denial. Anyway, we don’t have to talk about them.” He looked away from Ben, down at his lap.

“Were you… I mean, do you like him?”

“Who, Thomas? No, I can’t fucking stand that perv.”

“No, Newt,” Ben continued doggedly. “I mean, you slept with him, right? More than once?”

“Yeah, but…” Gally trailed off. He didn’t especially want to talk about Newt anymore, and he _really_ didn’t want to talk about Newt with Ben. Compared to Ben, Newt meant nothing to him, if a finite number could even be compared to an infinite one. “It didn’t mean anything. Besides, we really don’t have to talk about this.”

“Why not?” Ben asked. “Isn’t that what friends do, talk about people they sleep with?” He glanced down furtively. “If you’re worried about… I mean, I’m not homophobic. You can talk to me about guys you’ve slept with.”

“I know,” Gally answered, surprised. “I wasn’t worried about that. I just meant… I don’t know, it feels kind of awkward, doesn’t it?”

“Why?”

“Because…” Gally couldn’t come up with an answer that didn’t give him away. “I don’t know, it just does.”

“So, you weren’t in love with him?”

“What?!” Gally cried indignantly. “God, no, of course not!”

“Okay,” Ben said, looking down again. “I just thought, that might explain… erm, things.”

“I thought you knew me better than that,” Gally said, joking, and Ben looked up and smiled. Just as it always did, that smile sent a wave of calmness sweeping through him, and he returned the smile easily.

“When did you, well…” Ben took a deep breath and started again. “When did you know you liked boys?”

Gally’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “I don’t know,” he answered truthfully. “It kind of happened gradually I guess? I’ve been with girls too, and I think I slowly started realising that I could think of guys in the same way that I thought of girls. I think that makes me bi; I don’t know, I’m not really into labels.”

“So you don’t think it would be too unusual for someone to not realise until their late teens or early twenties?”

“No, I don’t think that would be unusual at all. And anyway, sometimes it changes. For example, recently I’ve felt like I’m way more attracted to boys than girls.” Gally blushed slightly, looking down. Luckily Ben didn’t seem to notice, as he was determinedly staring at his own hands.

“So…” Ben continued after a moment. “Does Newt have anything to do with the reason you start acting so shifty every time almond oil is mentioned?”

If Gally wasn’t red before, he certainly was now. “How - how did you…” he sputtered. “What do you know?” he finally got out.

Ben flashed a small, embarrassed grin. “Thomas might have mentioned some things.”

Gally was horrified. “Is he going around telling people things about me and his boyfriend? From when they weren’t even together?”

“No, no, not people,” Ben hastily clarified. “Just me. And he didn’t actually say anything about you, he was telling me about him and Newt, but I remembered you getting weird whenever I brought up almond oil, and I knew you had been with Newt, so I just… connected the dots.”

“Is there anything you two _didn’t_ talk about?” Gally asked indignantly.

“I… well, I told him we were friends, and we kind of got to talking...” Ben trailed off, and for some reason the colour in his cheeks deepened. “I’m sorry,” he said, seeing Gally’s face. “I swear I wasn’t meaning to gossip about you, I just mentioned we were friends, and he didn’t seem to like you very much, so I was telling him how you were actually really great, and… I don’t know, we kind of just kept going from there. I’m really sorry,” he repeated, the ends of his mouth turning down.

Gally sighed. “It’s okay, I don’t blame you. Thomas, on the other hand…”

“You know, he’s really not that bad either. I know you two got off on the wrong foot, but...” Gally looked up sharply. Had Thomas told him about that too? _Figures. Fucking perv._ “He’s actually really nice,” Ben continued. “I think he just thought maybe you were actually into Newt, which you can’t really blame him for, I thought that too, but maybe he was jealous, and that’s what caused the… uh, tension.”

Gally rolled his eyes, but didn’t argue.

“You should see him going on about Newt, it’s adorable,” Ben said, smiling. “You can practically see his heart eyes from a mile away.”

“I didn’t realise you were such good friends with Thomas.”

“We talk. I’m telling you, he’s actually really nice.”

Gally exhaled another deep sigh, but when he looked up at Ben he smiled. “So, do you want the story behind the almond oil?”

Ben’s blush was now spreading down his neck and up to the tips of his ears. “Only if you want to,” he said quickly. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“There’s not that much to it, actually. Newt’s just very knowledgeable about… which common household items can also be used as lube.”

Ben’s face now resembled a beetroot in colour. “Oh. Cool.”

Ben’s embarrassment seemed to be contagious, because Gally felt heat spreading across his own face once again. He looked down at his lap, then snuck a sideways glance at Ben, who was looking down at his hands, perhaps regretting asking in the first place.

“But…” Ben said, then swallowed. Gally watched his throat bob, then directed his attention back to what Ben was saying. “Isn’t it bad to use oil-based lube with condoms?” He was trying valiantly to keep the tone of his voice no more than detached, academic interest.

Gally nearly choked. “We didn’t… I mean, it… there wasn’t, um, penetration. That time. At least, not with…” he coughed. “We just… well, let’s just say we wanted lube that was edible for a reason.”

“Oh,” Ben said again. He shifted very slightly in his chair, crossing his legs. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.”

“No, it’s okay,” Gally said, looking at him sideways. “I wouldn’t tell just anyone, but it’s like you said, we’re friends, and I don’t mind telling you. I’m just making it awkward because I’m not used to talking about it with anyone.”

Ben sighed, resting his chin in his hands and leaning his elbows on the table. “I’m being awkward too, sorry. Hopefully we’ll get over it if we keep talking about this stuff.”

“Well, I don’t have _that_ many interesting stories,” Gally laughed, already feeling more relaxed. “Pretty much all of my non-standard experiences have been with Newt, anyway. I’m kind of boring, myself.”

“I’m sure you’re plenty int - ” Ben cut himself off, coughing. Gally felt slightly confused. Had Ben been about to say that he was interesting? “I mean,” Ben continued, clearing his throat, “Newt sounds pretty amazing. Are you sure you don’t have any feelings for him?” Gally knew he was joking by the way he smiled. His smile still had the ability to set Gally at ease.

“Positive,” Gally confirmed, smiling in return. “There was no emotional connection there. It was just sex.”

“Do you… that is, do you prefer to have an emotional connection?”

Gally considered, tilting his head. “I guess so. If it’s possible. But I don’t mind a bit of casual sex, every once in a while. I don’t do it that often, though. Not that I think badly of people who do,” he explained. “I don’t know, I just generally like it better if I at least sort of like the other person. And I don’t like having one-night stands with strangers, I have to at least know the person.” He glanced over to Ben, who was watching him carefully. Gally couldn’t read the look on his face. “I’ve never really dated anyone long-term, so I don’t know what it’s like to be with someone that you actually have a deep, emotional connection with. But, well, I think that’s what I want.”

“I’ve never actually had casual sex,” Ben said quietly, his eyes darting to Gally’s face and then back down. “I’ve only ever been with Beth.”

“You don’t have to tell me anything, if you don’t want to,” Gally said.

“No, it’s okay. It’s only fair, right? You told me yours.”

“You don’t have to feel obligated…”

“No, I want to. That’s what friends do, remember?” Ben offered a small smile, and Gally smiled softly back in response. “To be completely honest, I only had sex with her because I thought that was what you were supposed to do, you know? I thought that was the next step in the relationship, and everyone did it, so I was supposed to do it as well. I didn’t even occur to me to think whether I actually wanted to until much later.”

“Did you not want to?”

“I don’t know… I don’t think so. Not really. I mean, it was _okay_. It wasn’t bad. But everyone always acted like sex would be this amazing, all-consuming thing, and it just… wasn’t. It was just okay. I don’t know, maybe I’m just weird.”

“You’re not weird,” Gally told him. He reached out to pat Ben’s knee. When he went to move his hand away again, Ben put his own hand down, covering Gally’s, and gave it a light squeeze.

  


* * *

  


“How about that picnic bench there?” Gally asked, pointing.

“No, let’s not sit on a picnic bench. You’ll get splinters in your arse,” Ben joked.

“First of all, why is my naked arse sitting on the picnic bench to get a splinter in the first place?” Gally said, rolling his eyes. “And second, we both know that isn’t the worst place I’ve had a splinter.”

Ben threw his head back and laughed, and Gally smiled at him happily. With Ben, he finally felt comfortable joking about what happened.

“I’m telling you, splinters in the lung are a _bitch_ ,” Gally continued.

Ben laughed even harder, and Gally felt a glow of accomplishment inside. Still chuckling, Ben said, “I brought a blanket, let’s just sit on the ground on that.”

Gally agreed; Ben put down the blanket and they spread the food out on top of it. Sitting down on the blanket, Gally tilted his head back and felt the warmth of the sun on his face. It felt amazing after so many months of cold and rainy, grey clouds.

Gally put his hands down in the grass behind him, leaning back on them, and that’s when he felt it. He’d only ever felt it once before, but once was enough for him never to forget exactly what it felt like.

It was a light prick. And then it was a sharp, intense stinging.

Gally ripped his stung hand up, clutching it tightly in the other, and scrambled away from where he’d been sitting, but it was too late.

It was happening. Again. His worst fear.

A panicked buzzing filled his head. He couldn’t get his brain to work through this thick fog, it just kept repeating _it’s happening, it’s happening, it’s happening,_ over and over and over. He knew there was something he was supposed to be doing, but he couldn’t remember what it was.

“Gally? What’s wrong?”

Gally’s attention snapped to Ben, holding his gaze like a lifeline. The fog cleared, not completely, but enough for him to gasp out the words. “I’ve been stung.”

Ben’s eyes widened, but his face set in a fiercely calm, determined look. “Where’s your EpiPen?”

Gally could already feel his throat closing up. “Bag,” he wheezed, gesturing toward the bag he’d leaned against a nearby tree when they’d first sat down. “Front pocket.”

Ben dived for the bag, ripping open the front pocket and rifling around inside until he found the EpiPen and pulled it out. Gally tried to explain how to use it, but he couldn’t seem to get enough air to force the words out. His throat felt no bigger around than a pin, and the air whistled through it as he fought desperately to keep inhaling and exhaling.

But apparently Ben didn’t need him to explain. He quickly pulled the safety cap off and lined up the EpiPen, orange end facing the outer side of Gally’s thigh at a 90 degree angle, then firmly jabbed it in. Gally felt the stab of the needle, and almost immediately the epinephrine flooding his system opened his airways, and he could breathe again.

“How did you know how to do that?” he gasped, turning to Ben, who was already on his phone, dialing ‘999’.

“From films,” Ben answered, smiling tensely as he waited for an operator to pick up. They must have done, because then he turned his head slightly away from Gally and spoke into the phone. “We need an ambulance. Anaphylaxis. My friend’s allergic to bees, he’s been stung.” There was a pause, and then Ben continued, giving their location. During the next pause, he turned back to Gally and flashed him a tight but reassuring smile. “Yes, I administered his EpiPen.” Another pause. “Ok.” Rotating the bottom of the phone back away from his mouth and leaving the top up to his ear, he spoke quietly to Gally. “I’m staying on the line until the ambulance gets here.”

Gally slumped against Ben, leaning on his shoulder, and focused on moving air smoothly in and out of his lungs. _In and out. In and out. In and out._ Ben’s other hand, the one not holding the phone up to his ear, rubbed Gally’s back softly. Suddenly a feeling of relief hit Gally so hard his eyes filled with tears. He wasn’t going to die. He wasn’t going to die because Ben had saved him.

Ben had saved him.

The tears spilled over and coursed down his cheeks, and his shoulders shook with sobs. He tried to stay calm; he needed to focus on breathing properly. But waves of emotions kept crashing against him, and the tears wouldn’t stop.

Then Ben’s arm was enclosing him, pulling him closer. Ben squeezed Gally’s shoulders, rubbing down his arm. “It’s ok,” he whispered soothingly. “It’s ok.” Gally leaned his cheek on Ben’s shoulder, the occasional sob still wracking his body, and Ben moved his hand to the back of Gally’s head, gently stroking his hair, and laid his own head down so his cheek was resting on the top of Gally’s head. “It’s ok.”

  


* * *

  


After the doctors finished checking him over, they made him stay at the hospital for a few hours, for observation. He was hooked up to an IV and a heart monitor. They said they didn’t expect him to be in any danger; it was just a precaution. At least they let Ben stay with him in the room, sitting in the chair beside the bed where Gally was sitting up, leaning back against the pillows.

“You don’t have to stay,” Gally told Ben when the nurse left the room.

“I know, but I want to. I don’t want to leave you alone.” Ben picked up his chair and scooted closer to the bed, so he was sitting right at Gally’s elbow.

“I’m not alone, I’m surrounded by doctors and nurses. Not to mention the other patients.” Gally smiled.

Ben smiled back at him, rolling his eyes in exasperation. “You know what I mean.”

“Well…” Gally trailed off, suddenly feeling serious but unsure what to say. “Thank you.”

“It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing. You… basically saved my life.”

“I only did what anyone would’ve done.”

“Maybe, but you were really quick. If you hadn’t been so calm and sensible…” Gally swallowed.

Ben reached for Gally’s hand lying on top of the sheets, the hand not obstructed with tubes and wires, and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Let’s not think about it,” he said. When he pulled his hand away, Gally’s hand felt cold without it.

He should do it now, tell Ben how he felt. The timing was terrible, and he couldn’t have picked a worse setting if he’d tried, but Gally knew without a doubt that it had to be now. He couldn’t wait one more second, not when he didn’t know how many seconds he would have left on this earth with Ben.

“Hey Ben?” he said hesitantly.

“Hmm?” Ben replied.

“I… I need to tell you something.”

“What is it?”

“I really like you,” Gally said softly. “And not just as a friend. Not that there’s anything ‘just’ or less important about friendship love, I think platonic love is equally as substantial and meaningful and significant as romantic love…” He was rambling now. Gally took a deep breath and tried to focus again. “I just mean… I really like you. Romantically. And… I think I’m falling in love with you.”

Ben didn’t say anything, but he reached out and took Gally’s hand, holding it in both his own.

“I wanted to say something so many times,” Gally continued. “But I was scared. I’m still scared, but… life’s too short to let fear stop you from living it. I could get stung again tomorrow, or hit by a car, or even struck by lightning, and I wouldn’t want to die without telling you how I feel.”

Ben finally spoke. “Please, please, _please_ stop talking about dying.” Then he brought Gally’s hand up to his face and pressed his lips to the back of it. “Honestly, what took you so long? I was dropping so many hints, I thought I was being really obvious.”

A slow smile spread across Gally’s face. Ben turned his head so Gally’s hand was pressed softly against his cheek, and Gally moved his first two fingers slowly up and down to stroke the side of Ben’s face.

“I think I’m falling in love with you, too,” Ben whispered. “Actually, I think I’ve been falling in love with you for a really long time. Maybe for as long as I’ve known you.”

“Me, too,” Gally said, so quietly he wondered if Ben even heard it, until the upward curve of Ben’s mouth revealed he had. Seeing Ben’s face, so happy and sweet and beaming at him, Gally couldn’t remember why he had been so afraid in the first place. This was Ben. His best friend. His Ben. “Why didn’t we do this sooner?” he asked with a hint of a laugh. “We could have had so much time already.”

Ben exhaled a laugh too. “We’re doing it now. And we’ll have time now. We'll have all the time we want, from now on.”

Ben stood up and leaned over Gally. When his lips touched Gally’s cheek, they were soft and delicate and uncertain. After a moment, Ben pulled back, but Gally reached up and caught his face, gently guiding him back.

This time, Ben’s mouth found his own, and it was everything Gally had ever imagined a first kiss with Ben would be; it was tender, it was graceful, it was understated. It was exquisite. Ben’s lips moved against his so slowly, so deliberately, and Gally didn’t remember when he had closed his eyes but all he was aware of was the soft press of Ben’s lips against his own, the light brush of his nose, his chin, his cheek, on Gally’s skin, the smell of his skin, the awareness of his presence so near to him.

Gally’s hand slipped from Ben’s jaw down to his neck, and his fingers curled reflexively, digging into Ben’s skin. Ben put a hand on Gally’s shoulder, a hand that slid down to his chest, fingers caressing as it went. Gally stretched his head up, pushing his mouth more insistently against Ben’s, and Ben matched his eagerness, shifting closer and putting his other hand on Gally’s cheek.

So far they’d only been using lips; lips and hands and accidental brushes of skin. But a few seconds later, Gally felt the tiniest flick of Ben’s tongue on his lower lip, and it was as though a fire had been lit in his chest. Their pace increased, and when Gally felt Ben’s tongue again, he dragged his lower lip across it and opened his mouth just the slightest bit wider, and then finally Ben pushed his tongue into Gally’s mouth, and Gally’s lips closed around it, feeling it glide smoothly past as Ben drew it out again.

Now their kissing became even faster, even more passionate, even more urgent. Ben was leaning heavily on Gally’s chest; the fingers of Gally’s hand were curled into Ben’s t-shirt, using it to drag him closer. They were a raging storm of lips and tongues and cheeks and skin, heavy breathing and hearts pounding, fingertips scraping across arms and chests and shoulders.

Gally dimly realised he could hear a beeping noise coming from somewhere, and that the beeping was getting faster and louder. They broke apart, and Gally was blinking and looking around in confusion when a nurse came running into the room. Ben took a hasty step back from the bed.

“What’s going on?” she asked, looking from Gally to Ben and back again. “Why’s your heart rate so high?”

“Uh,” Gally stammered. “W-we were just, um…”

“We were talking,” Ben supplied, “and we just got a little over-excited.” Ben blushed slightly but held the nurse’s gaze, refusing to look down. Gally felt the heat in his own face, and he knew he was blushing too. He hoped the nurse wouldn’t notice.

The nurse narrowed her eyes beadily at them. “He’s supposed to be resting,” she said sternly. “If you can’t be here without getting him over-excited, you’ll have to leave.”

“I’m sorry, it won’t happen again,” Ben said humbly.

The nurse glared at him for another second, then checked the monitor briefly, before turning and leaving.

“Sorry,” Ben said to Gally when she was gone.

“Do you think she knew…?”

“Actually, I don’t think I really want to know that,” Ben laughed.

“Good point,” Gally agreed.

Ben exhaled heavily, looking at Gally with a beleaguered smile. Gally flashed a weak smile back, sighing, eyes wide with embarrassed commiseration.

“You know what, fuck it, c’mere,” Gally said, gesturing Ben forward and patting the space next to him on the mattress.

“Is that allowed?”

“I don’t know, I guess we’ll find out.”

Ben walked around the foot of the bed, then climbed over the guardrail of the hospital bed and flopped down next to Gally, leaving his feet hanging over the side so his shoes wouldn’t get the sheets dirty. Gally snuggled up to him, carefully adjusting the tubes and wires connected to him, and draping his free arm over Ben’s shoulder, with his hand reaching up to idly stroke Ben’s cheek and the side of his neck. Ben inclined his head toward Gally so that their foreheads touched. They were so close Gally couldn’t look at Ben without going cross-eyed, and Ben’s eyes filled nearly his whole field of vision. Ben’s arm rested on his hip, wrapping around to rub his back lightly.

The next time the nurse came back to check on Gally, she made Ben get out of the bed and threatened to kick him out again, but still he stayed, sitting in the chair next to the bed. Their linked hands stretched the short distance between them, held together loosely, fingers intertwined. Gally knew they both wanted more, so much more, and it was mildly annoying to be forced to wait.

But after all, they’d waited years for this, lifetimes, maybe; what was a few more hours?

**Author's Note:**

> A few things:
> 
> 1\. If you've never experienced the absolute treat of Ceilidh dancing, you are living a deprived life. Watch [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TE3JiKfDpDA) of the step I mentioned, 'strip the willow', and imagine Ben and Gally doing that, and then try not to die from cuteness.
> 
> 2\. I just want everyone to know that I had to watch the Ben banishing scene from TMR like 20 times to write the dream sequence, and now I can't watch it without thinking of this version of Ben and it destroys me and I don't know if I can ever watch that scene again ;-;
> 
> 3\. The title comes from the song From Now On from The Greatest Showman, because I'm absolutely obsessed with that song, and I think it works really well for this story (because of the change in their relationship and their future together, as well as the idea of Ben and Gally letting go of childhood experiences or missed opportunities to focus on their present relationship), but also I just love the general message that no matter what mistakes you might've made, you can always do better and try harder, starting "from now on". (Also _"and we will come back home, home again"_ makes me want to weep. In a good way lol.)


End file.
